[NV Greens] Fw: Blue states/Calif. again

[Barb Ewing]

Dear President Bush:

Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will
now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In
case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota,
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost
everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact,
God is so excited about it she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 PM
EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in
their states by then.

So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get the Governator,
stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Opry Land.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85% of America's venture capitalists and entrepreneurs. You get all
the technological innovation in Alabama.

We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the red
states pay their fair share.

Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a
bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we
know how much you like that.

Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck, the
only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs.

Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state
dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you.

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and
anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States' citizens
back from Iraq. If you need people to fight, just ask your evangelicals.
They have tons of kids they're willing to send to their deaths for
absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't show pictures of
their kids' caskets coming home.

Anyway, we wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really
hope, you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously.

With the Blue States in hand, the Democrats have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, over 90% of our pineapple and lettuce, 92% of all
fresh fruit production, 93% of the artichoke production, 95% of America's
export quality wines, 90% of all cheese production, 90% of the high tech
industry, most of the US low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Berkeley, Cal Tech;
Stanford and MIT. We can live simply but well.

The Red States, on the other hand, now have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans (and their projected health care cost spike), 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of all tornadoes, 90% of all hurricanes, 99% of all
Southern Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. A high price to pay for
controlling the presidency.

Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually
eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the
death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that evolution is just a theory, 53%
that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11, and-most hard to grasp-61% believe
that you, President Bush, are a person of moral conviction.

Yours Truly,

California
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